Is it really a dream job if your life outside your job falls flat?

 The dream job. Such an elusive concept. Some people chase it their whole lives and never find it. Others get "lucky" and find it when they're young. Others find it and give it up quickly because it doesn't live up to the hype they were expecting, or doesn't pay enough. Either way, what even is a dream job? And is it worth chasing one? 

I knew what my dream job was when I was quite young. I wanted to be a ballet costume designer. And somehow by the time I was 24 I managed to snag the perfect job working for a dance studio making dance costumes. It evolved into be dreamy in other aspects eventually as well. But one day, after working there for a few years, shortly after I'd wrapped up all the costumes for the 5th production I'd been involved in for this studio, and deathly exhausted from all the late nights I'd put in over the last 2 months, I started to ponder... "is it really my dream job if the time I spend away from this job is spend feeling like I'm barely living? Like I've got barely enough social energy to maintain relationships outside of this environment? If I'm not making enough money to live & constantly stressed about making more money? Sometimes so mentally exhausted that I can't leave the house for even the simplest of errands?" 

Now don't get me wrong, I truly do love and enjoy this work. The joy and fulfillment I get when someone is just about jumping out of their skin about their solo costume I made them, or seeing people perform in costumes I made...seeing hoe the costumes move and come alive with the dancing....It really does give me chills. Brings tears to my eyes sometimes. Dancing has always been one of my first loves. Probably always will be. Probably why I enjoy designing dancewear and not just runway fashion. But I have to wonder, is it really worth it when my personal life feels so empty? Also make no mistake, I greatly value the relationships I've built within the dance studio - it truly is such a vibrant community to be part of. But outside of that...I very much just feel like something is always missing. 

Let me address another angle for a minute. I think there are a lot of cases where people expect their work or career to fulfill them completely, and they don't want for much more in life, they're content. There's nothing wrong with that. Some people are built that way, others aren't. And then there's the other side of the coin of people who expect their work to fulfill them, yet they never get that fulfillment from it. They find it elsewhere. That's also fine. The dilemma I'm facing however, is that I do get fulfillment from my design work, but there's also many things outside of that that fulfill me, yet at this point in life, or this season of life that I'm in, my work seems to take away from other life fulfillment. And the thing is, if there's one thing I know it's not not put all my eggs in one basket. And that goes for being fulfilled in life as well. I don't expect one thing alone to fulfill me or "complete" my existence. 

Anyway, I think I'm derailing here and kinda struggling to sumarise the point I'm trying to make. The final question I'd like to state, which I will continue to ponder and be curious about is "Does this specific work hinder greater fulfilment that I could experience in life or is it a case of sacrificing one form of fulfillment for another?"

PS. This isn't meant to be complain-y or morbid, I am simply pondering whether the way I spend my time (and my life) is amounting to what I truly want in life. Hopefully it gets you thinking about how you spend your life and if it's taking you where you want to go, or if where you thought you wanted to be in life is truly where you want to be and go :)